Blame and criticism – Don’t blame me because it might hurt you

 How does it feel when someone blames you? Usually, when someone blames you, you feel heavy, hurt or you become unhappy. You get hurt because you resist the blame. Outside you may not resist, but inside when you resist it hurts you. When someone blames you, you usually blame them back or put up a resistance inside yourself. 

    A blame takes away some negative karma from you. If you understand this and don’t put up a resistance and feel happy about it, then your karma goes away. Outside you may resist, but inside if you don’t resist, and feel happy, “Oh, good, somebody is there to blame me and take some negative karma,” you will feel immediately lighter. The way to deal with blame is through patience and faith. Faith that truth will always triumph and things will get better. 
    Whatever work you do, there will be someone to find fault. Keep working without losing your enthusiasm and spirit. A wise man by his very nature will keep doing good work. His attitude does not depend on someone’s praise or blame. To uplift your spirit and save your mind from blaming, you need to judge your company. Your company can pull you up or down. The company that drags you towards doubt, blame, complaints, anger, and desires is bad company. 
The company that pulls you up towards joy, enthusiasm, service, love, trust and is good.
An ignorant person says, “Don’t blame me because it hurts me.” An enlightened one says “Don’t blame me because it might hurt you.” This is a beautiful point. Someone warns you not to blame them because it will hurt them and they will do s o m e t h i n g harmful to you out of revenge. On the other hand, an e n l i g h t e n e d one asks not to blame because of compassion. Demand and blame destroy relationships. So, you should know how to praise others and uplift a situation instead of blaming or finding fault. Uplifting the other should be your commitment. Then you are the right person for anybody. Everybody will love you when you don’t hurt them intentionally. 

    You are not here to blame or criticise. Criticism can come from two kinds of people. When they are narrow-minded, then they criticise out of their ignorance. Or they really want to bring something good in you. If their criticism is coming from a space of improving you, thank them for their compassion. You can improve since their criticism makes you realise your mistake. If it is coming from a space of putting you down, be compassionate and just laugh at them. In either case, you do not have to worry about criticism. 

    Nindak neare rakiya angan kuti shava,bin pani sabun bina nirmal kare suhay. The great Indian Saint Kabirdas has said that keep someone who criticises you close by, that will keep your house, your mind clean — without the need of soap and water. If everybody around keeps praising you, they may not show you your shortcomings. The people who criticise are authentic since they are pouring out their heart. You need to be able to give and take constructive criticism. An educated person will neither shy away from criticism nor will he shun the critique. The measure of your maturity depends on how you handle criticism. Ability to take criticism is a measure of one’s inner strength. 


The Dumbest thing 1

The Dumbest thing is to…..
… to waste your time 😛

This might sound glib, but two people especially friends, relatives, or partners not talking to one another over a mutually perceived slight, is a complete waste of time.

Obviously it follows, that the longer they remain incommunicado and persona non grata, vis- a-vis each other, the more time they must be wasting.

Yet people are capable of speding years. even tens of them, and often close to or including a lifetime, that’s left to them without resuming any form of relationship with the other.
When and if they manage to get away successfully, it;’s because each believes the other is to blame without thinking that it takes two wrongs to make a third.

So, whose time is being wasted?

Clearly, not the rest of the world’s because that has its own demands to deal with

Clearly, not that of one’s immediate folks and kin since they too eventually abdicate any concern they might have initially harboured.

What’s clear, in fact, is such people are just wasting their own time. Not that they have an unlimited time in store!

One way to look at it is to reckon the futility of lost opportunity. Relationships can be rich in the responses they evoke – not just trite stuff about sharing and caring, although those are there too and there’s no getting away from that; but the prerogative of hidden potential which can only translate in to new experiences.

And what are new experiences except chances to augment and improve the quality of life? Solitary confinement works (or doesn’t depending on you’re your point of view) precisely because of this: cut-off from the communication and forced to remain suddenly alone in a universe.

The greater waste of time that happens here however is generally overlooked or not even considered. That’s the time which got used up in the process of establishing the original relationship.

Where alienated offsprings are concerned, it was the time spent growing up together;

For estranged mates, it could be a long love affair; I case of separated friends, a long time consuming development period.

So, a time might come and one might ask, “Why the heck did I waste time to begin with it at all?” In other words, no apology is too late to render, or accept, without a sense of victory or loss.

Well, endings might be beginnings to new events, but what about holding onto already existing relationships? It takes a toll on one’s mental calibre to keep up a relation loving and blossoming and up.

Courtesy – some article I read by some mukul, n me:)